Let’s Talk About Dating Apps

I’m no stranger to dating apps, for the past four years I’ve been on Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid and Happn. Tinder and Bumble are the ones I’ve been on the most, OkCupid was interesting for about a month until all the creepy messages started irritating me and Happn only lasted a day on my phone. I find that Tinder has a lot of guys who just want to hookup and will 100% ghost you if you don’t put out. Bumble has less fuckboys than Tinder and more guys who actually want to date you. OkCupid is just a complete mess full of weird dudes and Happn is legitimately a stalking app. None of them are truly great and I’m still using them.

However, I’m still single and that could be because in 4 years of trying dating apps I’ve only gone on 5 dates and only one of those dates turned into a second date. So, what’s the problem, is it me or the apps? I’ve come to the realization that it is me because I get anxious and uncomfortable with the idea of meeting guys off dating apps. I overthink everything that could go wrong, if I look different in person or if the date is going to be super awkward. Yet, every once in a while, I’ll go on one in the effort to make myself think that I’m trying to ‘put myself out there’. But, even though I’ll go on dates, I still hate them because I never know what to except out of the date or how to be a normal human being and behave accordingly. I usually do my best to act outgoing during a date even if on the inside, I just want to go in bed, watch TV and pine over fictional characters.

Meeting new people in a sort of forced environment makes me feel awkward and I don’t understand how some people like it.  I don’t enjoy putting myself out there, is it because I’m scared of getting hurt? Probably, I mean I have a lot of issues when it comes to trusting guys (thanks dad!) and it’s getting so frustrating since I feel as if there’s something wrong with me. I feel like I should be meeting new people and socializing to make new friends or connections. But there’s something holding me back and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried giving them up, yet every time I get bored or one of my friends gets a boyfriend I re-download one. I’m also not great at talking to guys at bars, partly due to my social anxiety, and because I’m a bit weird looking (resting bitch face wooo). So, what do you guys think, should I try dating apps some more or delete them and try to meet someone organically?

xoxo,

-Mel

Advertisements

Help Me Make Decisions!!

Ok, I know this probably sounds weird but I need help with my life. I feel like I’ve been playing it safe and hiding out from the world for far too long. Although, I’ve gotten better since school (I actually go out and socialize now lol), I still need some change. The only problem is that I’m really bad at making decisions and I tend to just avoid them. So, I decided to take a note from a book I loved reading back in high school called My Life Undecided. In that book, the main character decides to create a blog where people can vote on her life so that she doesn’t make any bad decisions.

Which is where you guys come in!  Every week I’m going to have polls about something in my life that you guys can vote on. No matter what my feelings are towards the situation, I will do what the winning poll says. I need you guys to help me make my life more exciting and to keep me from shying away from any opportunities. I need to put myself out there more and I’m hoping you guys will help!

So here it goes. I’m moving back to Toronto next week for university and I have the option to go back to my greasy old job or try something new. I don’t really want to go back to the theatre (long hours of making food, ugh) but I also really need a job since I’m pretty broke right now. So what should I do, play it safe or risk it?

xoxo,

-Mel

Real Talk: I’m Scared to Follow My Passion.

When I was 8 years old my mom decided to sign me up for a 2-week theatre summer camp. She did this because I was so shy and barely spoke in social situations. Well, I ended up loving it and since then acting has been my passion. Watching theatre plays, movies and TV shows have always solidified my dream to act. I’ve taken theatre and acting on camera classes for over 11 years and they’ve always filled me with hope. I love learning about theatre and meeting others who are also passionate about acting. But, as I grew older my self-esteem started to falter even though my dreams only got bigger. I kept taking theatre classes throughout high school yet my self-esteem was very low and it affected the way I acted. I was so sacred and anxious to act or to try because of how I’d look or how others would see me. Eventually, those insecurities became too much and when I moved away to Toronto for University – I stopped acting. At the time, I did have an agent (I got one when I was 15) but since my headshots hadn’t been updated for a while, I wasn’t getting any auditions. Of course, that stumped me for a bit and I found myself in a rut. So, I pushed it all down, pressed ‘pause’ on my dreams, and focused on my new life as a University student. Fast forward to three years later and I binged watch this TV show that sparked something inside of me. My dreams and my passion for acting have bubbled back up to a point that I can’t ignore it anymore. I have to get back on stage, It’s where I’ve always felt the most comfortable and gotten that sense of belonging. However, those insecurities that got me to stop acting are still there. They aren’t as intense as they used to be (thanks to my therapist!) but I still haven’t accepted myself fully. The thought of putting myself out there and letting others judge me so point-blank is absolutely terrifying. I know its a part of the acting world but it’s intimidating as hell. Which is why I’m scared to try again and let myself feel hopeful that my dreams could come true. But, if I don’t try I’ll regret it and that scares me just as much.

Some people might find this silly since acting is such a hard industry to succeed in but what if? What if I could make my dreams come true? And even if I don’t, which is a total possibility, why not let myself try. I feel like I should give myself the opportunity to try it again, even if it means I’ll have to work extremely hard to attempt to reach my goals. Yet there’s still that part of me that’s scared of rejection and wants to hide away to avoid that anxiety.

Have you guys ever dealt with struggling to handle your dreams? If yes, what did you do?

Let me know if you have advice for me or understand what I’m feeling!

Xoxo

-Mel

My New Makeup Products!

As you may be able to tell from the picture above, I recently got a bunch of new makeup! I’ve had the time to try them all on and figure out how I feel about them. Thankfully, I like all of the products but I do have some minor criticisms. So, let’s get started:

  1. NYX – HD Studio Photogenic Concealer in Green

If you have a lot of redness on your skin like I do, you might benefit from this product. Since I have rosacea, sometimes just a concealer or foundation isn’t enough to fully cover up the redness on my skin. This product will help correct redness, but only if you add a product on top (foundation or concealer). My only complaint is that the applicator doesn’t transfer enough product on my skin in one swipe so, I tend to go back into the tube to get more. Other than that, I do like it but might buy another green colour corrector when I run out of the NYX one.

  1. Smashbox – Camera Ready CC Cream

This is my first time buying a CC cream so I didn’t have any pre-set expectations. Personally, I like the consistency and the light coverage of the product. It feels pretty lightweight, which is exactly what I needed for overly hot summer days and music festivals. To help with my redness I add some light powder on in my problem areas. But, if you have clear skin you won’t need to add a foundation powder on top. Overall, I haven’t found anything that I dislike about this product.

  1. Smashbox – Studio Skin 24 Hour Waterproof Concealer

This is the first time that I’ve bought this concealer and its okay but I probably won’t re-purchase it. I like how the product applies and sits on my skin under my eyes and on my nose. But, the coverage isn’t good enough to cover up my acne or my acne scars. I haven’t tested if it truly is waterproof yet it hasn’t smudged or wiped off when I’ve been sweaty so I’m content with that. Basically, it’s not a bad product at all but it’s not the best concealer I’ve ever tried.

  1. DermaBlend – Loose Setting Powder

As someone who swears by the Laura Mercier Loose Setting Powder, I was a bit unsure to purchase this one. However, it’s proven to be quite effective and I really do like it. The powder doesn’t lighten my skin, applies easily, sits on my skin nicely and does a good job of locking in my foundation! However, I haven’t decided yet if I’ll be re-purchasing this powder or the Laura Mercier one.

  1. Benefit – Hoola Matte Bronzer and Dandelion Twinkle

I’ve had a Hoola bronzer since I was 15 (6 years ago!) and I decided that I should get a new one as the colour had changed due to it being so old. Just like the first time, I find this bronzer to be so great since it’s easily bendable and has great pigmentation. Now, the Dandelion Twinkle is a relatively new product from what I gathered. I absolutely love this highlight! It’s very pretty and natural, has no glitter chunks and it sits nicely on the skin. If you don’t like super intense highlighters then you should definitely try this one out.

  1. L’Oréal – Voluminous Lash Paradise Mascara

I am obsessed with this mascara. It’s a clear dupe for the Too Faced Better Than Sex mascara due to the applicator and the formula. I actually like the Lash Paradise mascara more than the Too Faced one, simply because it doesn’t clump my lashes as much as the Better Than Sex one. Plus, since it’s a drug store mascara, it’s not as pricey which is always great. I honestly don’t have any complaints so far for this mascara and I’m sure I’ll be re-purchasing it when its finished!

  1. Bite Beauty – Amuse Bouche Lipstick in Thistle

It’s no secret that the Bite Beauty lipsticks are fabulous. They’re creamy, pigmented and don’t wipe off easily. The colour I recently got is described as a ‘mauve infused taupe’. I bought this specific colour because I didn’t have a grey-ish mauve lippie in my collection. I’m truly glad about the choice I made and I can’t wait to buy more Bite Beauty products in the future!

  1. Lancôme – Matte Shaker High Pigment Liquid Lipstick in Pink Power

I really like the idea of the Matte Shakers and I love how the colour looks like in the bottle. However, I found the pigmentation to be too light for my liking. I’ll most likely buy a darker colour next time because I do like the texture and how easy the applicator is to use. If only it didn’t take me like 10 coats of this colour for my lips to look pinkier, this product would be such a summer favourite of mine.

Overall, I had some pretty good luck with these products which I’m very thankful for. Some of them I will be re-purchasing while some of them I won’t be. Out of all of them, my favourite one must be the Dandelion Twinkle because it’s so pretty and has the perfect amount of glow for my natural looks. If you have any questions about any of the products mentioned feel free to send me a message!

Xoxo,

– Mel

Limerence – Chapter 4

The Frat Party

The murky smell of sweat mixed with smoke makes me cringe as I walk into the frat house. Truthfully, I’ve never been a fan of the smell of smoke. As Ruby and I make our way through the crowded house I notice that there are a lot of cute guys walking around and handing drinks to fellow party-goers.

“Do you want to get a drink?” Ruby asks, yelling over the loud music.

“Yeah! I have to go to the washroom first though.”

“Alright, I’ll get us some drinks while you go and I’ll meet you back here.”

“Okay, but I don’t want anything too strong” She laughs at my comment and walks away to what I assume is the kitchen. Right, well now I have to find the washroom in this massive double house. My first instinct is to find the nearest staircase and go upstairs, most toilettes tend to be on a higher level in a house, right? I spot a guy sporting the frat’s Greek sign on his shirt and I approach him.

~ To read the rest click here 

© all rights reserved to Melissa Marie

Another band guy (why do I do this to myself)

Every girl has that one type of crush that’s like kryptonite. Whether it’s a sports player, actor, artist, hipster or a ‘bad boy (or girl). In my case, my weakness are guys in bands and I know that a lot of them are ‘bad news’. But, I can’t help it. There’s something about a guy on a stage with a guitar, microphone or at the drums that hits me hard. Like yes, I’ll listen to you sing/play and I will most definitely swoon. Now, I’m not saying that I want to be a groupie and follow these band guys around the country. Which I’m sure is fun and I applaud the girls and boys who do that but it’s not my thing. I prefer to get fangirl obsessed with a guy in a band, follow him on all social media’s and then listen to all his songs on repeat. Most of the time the guy’s I’ll crush on are at a level of fame where he would be unattainable to me *cough* Harry Styles *cough*. However, last year I developed a   h u g e   crush on a drummer who was in a very small indie-pop band. We met in the summer and next thing I now we were regularly snapchatting and texting. I was so happy because it felt awesome knowing that a guy in a band was somewhat into me plus, it helped my self-esteem a bit. We ended up getting coffee one day after my shift at work had finished and it went well. Or so I thought. A few days after our ‘date’ the guy completely ghosted me and proceeded to unfollow me on Instagram, on my birthday. It broke my heart a bit because we had been talking for 6 months and he never gave me a reason why he stopped talking to me. I was so sure I had done something wrong but eventually realized he just wasn’t into me which is totally fine. I still wish that he had handle it a bit better instead of just pretending like nothing had happened but oh well.

Flash forward a year later, I get text from my best friend of this hot guy. Obviously, he’s in a band and obviously, I follow him on Instagram because why not. He follows me back and adds me on snapchat. I’m still not sure why but I guess my selfies aren’t as bad as I think they are. We started talking on snapchat a little bit with most of our conversations having to do with why we live so far apart. For about a month we stopped talking, I got busy with finals and he went on tour.

May rolls around and I’m back in my hometown living at my parent’s house for the summer. One day, my best friend who’s really into the punk rock scene asks me if I want to go to a show with her. I’m always down to go see live music so I said yes. And guess who’s in one of the opening bands, the guy I was snapping the previous month. It made me a bit anxious because he’s a lot hotter in person and well, I’m not. So, during the main band’s act I spotted him from across the room as he went upstairs. Like the creep that I am, I told my friends I was going to the washroom and went upstairs too. I bump into him and act surprised to see him. We chatted for a bit, all good stuff not awkward at all (thanks to alcohol). The show ends so we both go find our friends and I head over to a bar with my girls. Throughout the night, we were snapchatting and we’ve been talking on there since then (7 day snap streak woo). The only problem is that he lives in another country because of course, the one band guy who seems somewhat interested in me lives really far away. So here I am, complaining about my sorta-almost love life. It’s as if a part of me knows that it won’t work out and I go towards it instead of not wasting my time and dating someone who’s more vanilla and in my city. Or maybe I’m attracted to the drama of it all, who knows. The only thing I’m certain of, is that I don’t know what to do about my pathetic love life.  Toss me some advice if you have any…

Xoxo,

Mel

As Fast as Lightning – Chapter 2

~This story does not follow the plot of CW’s show the Flash~

It’s been a little over a week since Maddie made the move to Central City and she’s finally all settled in. Today is her first day at her new office job and she couldn’t be more excited. Ever since her grade 12 psychology class Maddie has dreamt of being a psychological profiler. Kind of like the characters in her favourite show Criminal Minds. Working at the Monterrey Psychology Firm in her desired field is definitely a dream come true and she couldn’t wait to meet the CEO – and her role model – Doctor Alice Monterrey. Maddie desperately wants to make a good impression for her first day so she chooses a cute yet appropriate work outfit and nude heels. The last touch to her outfit is her favourite necklace, the one she got in SoHo during a girl’s trip to New York. The necklace has a gold chain with a little gold lightning bold with diamonds on one side. Her best friend from home had convinced her to get that particular charm stating that Maddie was ‘fiery’ and ‘electric’. She still wears the necklace every day believing that it’s her good luck charm.

After getting dressed and stuffing a bagel in her mouth Maddie grabs her new work bag, locks the door to her apartment and starts walking towards the tall office tower. Before arriving at her new office, Maddie decides to stop by the coffee shop that the green-eyed boy had brought her too. She walks inside and orders her favourite, a vanilla iced coffee. Walking up to the area where you pick up your drinks, she spots a pretty girl with dark hair and they smile at each other.

            “You must be a big fan of The Flash huh?” the dark-haired girl comments while nodding towards the necklace that Maddie was twirling between her fingers.

“Sorry?” Maddie cocks her head in confusion.

“Your lightning bolt necklace, like The Flash’s symbol” Maddie ‘ohh’s’ understanding what the girl meant.

            “No actually I got this a few years back in New York, so no relation to The Flash. Don’t get me wrong he seems pretty incredible but I’m not one to wear superhero merch”

            “Oh, well it’s a cute necklace”

“Thanks, it’s sort of my good luck charm” She replies as they both reach out to grab their respective coffees.

“I’m Iris by the way” she sticks out her hand and Maddie shakes it.

“Madeline, but you can call me Maddie”

“Well it’s nice to meet you Maddie!” Iris grins at her

“You too! You’re actually the second person I’ve met since I’ve moved here” She admits sheepishly.

“Really? How long have you been in Central City for?” Iris asks shocked that someone who seems so friendly hadn’t met many people.

“A little over a week. I moved here for a new job, which I should actually be getting too now”

            “Of course! I should probably get going too, my editor must be waiting for me” Iris pauses for a second and reaches out to grab her phone. “Let’s exchange numbers, that way if you ever need a friend or someone to show you around you can text me” Maddie’s face lights up at the prospect of a new friend. She goes into her bag to get her phone and the girls exchange phones. After exchanging their numbers into each other’s phones, the girls walk out of the Jitters and head to work.

Maddie looks up in awe at the skyscraper in which her new office is situated and hopes that she wouldn’t be at the highest floor. She walks into the building and heads to security to register and get her pass. Afterwards, she goes onto an elevator and presses #16, thanking the universe that she wasn’t on the 50th floor. The first thing that caught her eye as she walked out of the elevator were the modern paintings hanging on the walls and the white marble floor she stepped on. Making her way to reception, Madeline looked at her new office and felt utterly content. Everything about the office space screamed professional and modern. From the light fixtures to the cubicles she spotted from reception, everything was perfect. Maddie felt as if the office had been done by the Property Brothers because everything was in pristine condition.

            “How can I help you?” the receptionist gave Maddie a warm smile as she looked up from her computer.

“My name’s Madeline Anders, it’s my first day here”

“Did you say Madeline Anders?” A tall blonde quip’s from behind Maddie startling her.

“Yes, that’s me” Maddie smiles at the blonde as she approaches.

“Good! I’m Adella Kaine, your cubicle mate and new friend”

            “Nice to meet you!” The girls shake hands and Adella proceeds to towards the cubicle signalling Maddie to follow her. As the girls walked by the other cubicles, many of the men in the office would turn and stare at Adella, she was one of the prettiest girls Maddie has ever seen. You could tell she was well-liked with all the ‘hello’s’ and big smiles she was getting. Adella stops in front of two cubicles, one is full of pink office decorations and glittered supplies. The other cubicle is empty so Maddie makes her way into that one assuming that it’s hers.

            “I know it may look a bit drab right now but Dr. Monterrey lets us bring in decorations to personalize our cubicles. As you can probably tell” Adella points to her colourful desk and smiles proudly.

            “Thanks for letting me know” Maddie set down her bag and unloads the small amount of office supplies she brought with her.

            “No problem. I’m right here if you have any questions or gossip” Maddie giggles and nods to Adella before finally sitting down. Not even 10 seconds later, the most beautiful boy Maddie has ever seen appears in between the girl’s cubicles.

            “Hey Addie, do you have the report from yesterday?” His voice sends chills through Maddie’s body. She stares at him as Adella hands him a stack of papers grumbling about the numbers not matching up with the trials. The boy has brown hair that sits perfectly on his head, piercing ocean blue eyes and a strong jawline. His face is so symmetrical it’s almost intimidating. He turns to Maddie with a dimpled smile. “Hey, you must be new, I’m James Parries. I specialize in micro-expressions with Addie here.”

            “Hi, I’m Maddie Anders and yeah today’s my first day. I’m specializing in profiling” Maddie stands up and shakes James hand.

“Profiling nice, you must be pretty psyched to be here then. No pun intended” Maddie cracks a smile at his unintended joke.

“Ha psyched because we’re a psychology firm. Nice one James” Addie smirks at him and Maddie giggles at the comment.

            “Well it was nice to meet you Maddie, hope you have a great first day” she blushes slightly at James and thanks him. “And Addie, I’ll see your annoying self later.” Addie sticks her tongue out at him and he waves her off.

            “So, that was James. He’s the hottest guy in the office and also a pain in my ass” Addie rolls her eyes then sends Maddie a grin.

“I can see why, he looks like he should be a model”

            “He used to be, to pay for college but his passion is psychology” Addie smiles softly remembering when he had confided in her about his past and how close they got after that night.

            “You guys seem close, are you together?” Maddie senses that the two have chemistry but isn’t quite sure if they’ve acted on it or not.

            “Not really, we have an on and off thing going on. He’s scared to commit since we work together and there’s a policy here about dating coworkers” Addie wants them to be a couple but she knows that it probably wouldn’t happen. James put his job in front of almost everything in his life and Addie knew it. “Anyways, we need to get you to Dr. Monterrey’s office, she wants to talk about the details of what you’ll be doing here.” The girls get up and head over to Dr. Monterrey’s large corner office. Maddie starts to fidget with her lightning bolt charm, something she does when the anxiety kicks in, and takes a deep breath before entering her idol’s office.

© all rights reserved to Melissa Marie